I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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