she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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