Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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