"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
