and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
