Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
