I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize