So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
