i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
