Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
