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God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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