how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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