Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize