all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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