I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
