3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
