oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
