The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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