she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
