She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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