My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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