Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize