hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
