i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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