dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want to be your penis for a week.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
