I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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