He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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