i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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