Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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