she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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