so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
