im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
