he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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