I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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