this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The best revenge is premature balding
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
