Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
