You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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