Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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