He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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