are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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