I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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