i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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