He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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