She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
