Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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