drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
