somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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