It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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