Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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