Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
