did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
