just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
