OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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