Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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