i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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